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Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
9:19 am - Breaking the habbit
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Thursday, July 14th, 2005
10:57 pm - I'm tyler... look at me... I'm so cool
my girlfriend is the Goddess of the Universe.
hands down we are the greatest thing to happen to southern california since brad pitt took up residence in sunny SD.

fuck you. I'm black.

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Saturday, January 8th, 2005
12:38 am - One Love
So this will be it. Im getting rid of the internet. I wanna go back to how I was round July and August last year. That whole easy going thing where everything happens for a reason attitude worked alot better than being depressed and venting here. This time I plan on doing it without so much of the green though. Havent smoked a cigarette in 5 days either. Things are going aight. I do believe that good or bad, everyone gets what theyve been putting out so I plan on spreading some love.

There are I couple of people Ive been meaning to call but if I dont call you dont be afraid to hit me up. Hope nobody is bitter at me cause there are always better things to spend energies on.

Just wanna say peace cause everyone on my friends list has brought me joy at one point or another and hopefuly Ive returned the favor. Good luck uryone.

current mood: calm

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
12:26 am - I just lost a buck
To MYSELF!!!

Heh. How is everyone? Im doing... good. Loving the rain. Getting good sleep. Enough work to keep me busy. Somewhat content I guess.
Yeah so I gotta put some money back on my card and return this wireless shit. Internets not the same anymore. Too hostile. Good night.

current mood: I got a grin

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Saturday, January 1st, 2005
5:42 pm - That was a waste
Last night was fun. Im pretty bitter I didnt get to party with the boys from my group but the hommies from work filled the role. Funniest thing I saw all night was this guy calmly walking towards the front door of dude's house while having one hand cupped under his chin catching the vommit that was pouring out of his mouth. I woulda been grossed out but he didnt seem to care so what right would I have to give a shit. Twan came through at countdown so I wasnt completely alone. Some nasty breezy tried to jack a new years kiss and that pissed me off so I left for home. At home the guys all came through and right before Femael got there I passed out. Good way to end the year.

I am so done with 2004. Ready to put it and so much of the bullshit that came with it behind me. Not that it was a horrible year. Id say good days there was maybe a month to a month and a half of pure enjoyment. Those other 10 months are now down the shitter where they belong. So what should the resolution be? Wasting less of my time with drugs. Maybe try to reassemble myself in a way so I dont despise my being. I think Im just gonna save all my love for my family, my group, and myself. Sometimes you gotta check your investments and cut your losses. Goodbye 2004, and heres to another 365 days of bull.

(Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Saturday, December 25th, 2004
10:25 am - On a better note
No reason to end a journal like that.

At 2 Im leaving to go see my family. Well my mother, brother, and sister. Pops is too far away to even think there is a chance of seeing him anytime soon. Sucks but he sent a Christmas card so I can see him whenever I want. I do get to see my puppys though. Rather excited about that. Today doesnt feel right but Im sure things could be alot worse.

Merry Christmas (Happy Holidays) to all
And to all a good life.

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Monday, December 20th, 2004
11:28 pm - This story...
Yeah. Its done. This whole bull with dumping my problems on a web page are done with. You guys dont want any part of it and I was better off keeping it inside where it belongs. Ill be deleting this journal shortly. Im in the mood to give up on pointless things. Its been an interesting four years.

i take one one one cause you left me and
two two two for my family and
three three three for my heartache and
four four four for my headaches and
five five five for my lonely and
six six six for my sorrow and
seven seven n-no tomorrow and
eight eight i forget what eight was for and
nine nine nine for a lost god
ten ten ten ten for everything everything everything

well you can all just kiss off into to the air
behind my back
i can see that stare
they'll hurt me bad but i won't mind
they'll hurt me bad they do it all the time

And with this I say good luck to all and good bye to those who prefer to just read.

current mood: worried

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Sunday, December 19th, 2004
10:37 pm - Free money
Doesnt mean shit. A little over three and still no smile. I thought this shit was supposed to solve problems? Maybe everyone wasnt lying. They just didnt know what the right green was for me. Juuuuuust kidding.
Twan is on his way to see his girl. Its awesome to see that kid all giddy to see her four or five months into them being it. *Sigh* Another lonely December. Surely more to come.
My boys are happy and my family is doing okay so fuck everything else cause Im just here to ensure that those two facts stay true.

Hey you fucking heathens, Merry Fucking Christmas. - Mr. Garrison

current mood: sore

(Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

7:53 am - 40,000 years of Funk
Im taller than Darth Vader and Lindsey Lohan is the hottest thing since the sun.

Addicted
Restricted
Soon to be evicted
Still inflicted with this sickness
Still without a witness
and devoid of Forgiveness

One more rising sun, one less day til Im done.

Freestyle. What?!?

Fuck you very much.

current mood: crushed

(Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Friday, December 17th, 2004
12:34 am - What a trip
Spent over an hour talking to one of my homegirls from high school at work today. I dont know if any of yall know Catrice Candler but shes alive and well. I dont like reminissing about those days. Even though I hated them I think I hate now just a liiiittle bit more. The "Good" Times right?
Hey Jason, remember how you used to try and embarass me every time someone walked by us at the mall?
Random thought. Im too tired to be typing and the tent starts tomorrow and my sickness is getting worse. Time to get it crackin.

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Thursday, December 16th, 2004
1:58 pm - Poor ol Slim
Seems to have lost his motivation. Ive been listening to Encore and I must say Im dissapointed. Not that its a bad album but I expect so much more from the man whose music got me through high school. I used to listen to this guy every day cause he was the only one who sounded more depressed, poor, and into hip hop than I was. Now he just clowns on people and bitches about what people think of him. I like the fact that he still says what he wants and his songs about Kim still make me smile. I love his hatred and loathing of the only woman that has ever been "it" for him. Anyways.
Had a sex dream last night. It was kinda awesome but Im sure you guys dont want to hear about it.
Laundry how you excite me. I really hate not living at home. Sucks still being 16 inside but having the tie downs of a grown ass man. I dont know why Im posting. I just saw that Jason posted something and I miss that kid so now Im stuck on this shit again.
Was gonna rant but my alarm went off for the dryer and I gotta be at work in less than 40.
Peace out and Fuck You Very Much.

current mood: sad

(Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Wednesday, December 15th, 2004
10:49 am - Shut the door bitch. cmon in!
Im getting sick. Am I surprised? Not at all. I really wish I could dock peoples pay that come into work sick. Whats with everyone wanting to share their lack of health. Fuckers. Dangerous thing about this is that I have no days off to just rest and this weekend is the tent sale. I need to be ready to hustle cause I need that money. This could be trouble. No stomach problems or groggyness on this one, just feels like my throat is tired of chillin in my neck and is about to fall out. So now I gotta quit everything for awhile. No smoking or drinking or staying up late. So no fun. Im bitter. I need to find someone that would like a piece of this sickness. Maybe it will lessen my load.
Highlight of the week so far was that my mom surprised me at work and bought me some lunch. Free food and half an hour with the craziest woman Ive ever known. Rock on.
I love the look I get when people find out that Im not really doing anything on Christmas. Like Im a puppy they just found in a box in an alley way. I want a shirt that says Bah-Hum-Bug. Maybe then people will just assume Im bitter about it and leave the topic the fuck alone.
Monday night football was sick. Nicks dad is hilarious as well. Nice to meet people that you can just think to yourself "Hes a good man." Got alot of respect for that guy. Plus he feeds me.
Today might be aight.
Game plan: Gym, Comics, Food, work, work, work, work..... and as much sleep as possible.

appears more clear in its simplest form
nobody sees tears when youre sittin in a storm
abandoning the norm, and handling the harvest
measuring the worth by the depth of the hardships
i welcome all the hatred you can aim at my name
i held on to the sacred ways of how to play the game
when the soldiers started runnin short on rations
i began tappin the egg, to spark the hatchin
make it happen
and take this captain to the gallows
i keep steerin us into an area thats shallow
talkin to my shadow, he advised me not to worry
he said i should plant my tree and let it rise out of the fury
so give me some light, a little love and some liquid
im gonna creep through the night
and put a plug in the spicket
and when the water grows
and the dam starts to overflow
ill float atop the flood, holding on to my ugly

God Loves Ugly

current mood: predatory

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Monday, December 13th, 2004
7:25 am - J-j-j-j-jawesome
That little flip. Anthony came through with a party last night. Oooooohhh so much fun. Phlips deffinately know whats up with food and good company. I wish I had room to put my trash can under my sink. Three pipty pive it is. PH parties are the only parties Ive been to where the worst thing that happens is you gotta keep an eye out in the back yard. Steppin in vomit would be gross. Oh shit, I almost got arrested. If that cop had just turned his head I would be in some shizzle right now but he didnt. I celebrate my victory over the man and his poe poes. It was too good of a night to end that early or in that way.
Was gonna go chill at the Giant's but Nick and I were not really feenin for the Halo. I suck at that game. BAH!
Oh by the way miss: Buck up. Dont even try to jack my personal rain cloud. Im not done with it. Plus that smile is to good to be hidden. Do the world a favor and sport that grin.

"Out of respect for your boyfriend Ill use my thumb." - Slug

current mood: Head... aches....

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Saturday, December 11th, 2004
9:46 pm - Fuck me. Fuck me sidways
Got to talk to Jason today. I miss that kid so damn much. I can tell if he ever comes back he'll be one of my boys. I can help him stay outta trouble and he can help me get into some.
Just bored as always on a Saturday night waiting for a call to go to Kadis pad. Work tomorrow at SEVEN in the freaking morning. The gym was painful today. Must... rest...

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Friday, December 10th, 2004
11:56 am - The Alighty Ollar
I hate money.
I hate silence.
I hate bordom.
Just might hate you.

No chance christmas will be crackin for this heathen. I told my boys I might be able to hook something up mid Jan. but December is deffinately not my month. Unless its My December, then I call dibs. No tree, no presents, no stalkings... I though my Xmas when I was a kid sucked. Not to mention my "family" prolly wont get together for anything. Now why does this bother me. Since the ol jeez aint really a friend of mine why should I give a fuck about CHRISTmas. I hate this society. Making me care about shit that shouldnt even matter to me. I would rather my pops be here and being an asshole while my mom drowns in addiction then both of the being gone. I really miss my dogs too. God reality sucks my left one.

For this holiday season I just want one thing: A smile I dont have to fake.

current mood: Fan-fucking-tastic

(6 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
5:50 pm - God loves Ugly.
I found it! Something to make me happy. Something thats always been there. Mi musica. El nombre de mis musica? Atmosphere. Much love to underground hip hop. Slug seems to be a little too on my level though. Kinda spooky.
Forgot to mention last night that I might be moving on up pretty soon. Time to make that money.
Was looking foward to saying hi to some people but AOLIM wont let good ol BruthaWhyte log in. Why? I have no fucking clue but Im kinda frustrated. Oh well. Guess it gives me a reason to return my PCI card. It will suck not having internet anymore but yall didnt seem to miss me too much. Its okay. Im not hurt. Ive always known I wasnt that important.

Words from slug:
No one can see the tears in the pouring rain.


I wish it would rain soon. In closing:

Fuck you
Pay me

current mood: disappointed

(3 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

1:01 am - Bink!
God!!! So much raw energy right now and I need to go to sleep soon.

Today ended up being pretty good. Woke up late and went to the gym. I need to get back into this hardcore. Guys were razzin me cause I lost alot size... and I didnt have that much beef at my peek. Oh well. Time to get all Bruce Lee and become the strongest scrawny guy ever. Gyms a good release when Im stressed. Making my body exhausted seems to allow my mind to focus on sorting through shit and trust me in this head there is oh so much doo doo.
Went to pick up my check but my oh so informitive friends at work refrained from letting me know that checks didnt get there til like seven when I told em Id be there at like three. Damnit.
Then I got to chill with Tyme and everything was going good til he schooled me at Halo 2. *Shakes Fist*. I swear I will throw down on OG Halo anyTyme Ben! Good chillin though.
Then off to Nicks pops place for burgers, chips, donuts, beer, and Monday Night Football. Pretty friggin awesome game and those lame ass Cowboys got theres. We watched UFC afterwards and now I wanna pick a fight with someone on the street. Those guys in the octagon are scary. Well thats pretty much it. Time to try and crash. DUECE!

(3 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Sunday, December 5th, 2004
11:46 am - Who woulda knew
You scored as Jewish. You are a Jew.
You understand that there is something basically missing in the teachings of religion and so-called </td>

Jewish

70%

Buddhist

65%

Cult

65%

Christian

65%

Anarchist

60%

Catholic

45%

Religion
created with QuizFarm.com


For some reason with the copy and paste I somehow misplaced some the explination of my results.

You are a Jew. You understand that there is something basically missing in the teachings of religion and so-called "spirituality" today. The continuity in time and dedication of the Jewish faith make the most sense to you. You may be drawn to Judaeism out of a jaded opinion of the world today, but hey, it can't be a bad thing to be one the chosen people.

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
1:37 am - Im down to just one thing....
I was watching this movie today and pretty much every big event represents nothing but downfall for the main character. I was empathizing way too much. I hope being deprived of the things I want helps me build some kind of character so that when I grow older I can help people through their tribulations and help them enjoy their lives. I could die a happy man if there were people at my funeral that were just proud to know me and that could say I changed their lives for the better. Morbid wish of the evening. Sweet dreams all.

(3 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Monday, November 29th, 2004
11:21 am - Wierdest dream ever...
So it starts out with me ariving at work. About an hour into my shift my mom calls me and tells me I have a doctors appointment so I got my manager to let me leave work for a little to handle my business. So for some reason Im driving my moms Astro van and Im zooming on the freeway at like 90 {which is alot for that vehicle}. I got to this on ramp where I was about 80 feet above Coronado (it was like an island or some shit in this dream) and all of a sudden the ramp starts to spiral downward but Im going to fast to stop. Needless to say the Astro flys off the off ramp and im still spinning in mid air and have a little control over the flight path of the van. So I land in the water about ten feet from the shore of coronado so I grab the bumper and push it onto dry land while swimming behind it. (oh it gets much worse}
While Im panting on the shore my mom calls me again {water proof cell phone?!?!?} and tells me I missed my apointment at the doctors but she wants to take me to Sea World cause we havent been in forever. So Im at sea world and instead of looking at animals or riding their "rides" I end up getting transfixed on this really scarry underwater first person shooter. It was awesome and oh so dramatic.
I got back to work like 7 hours later and my manager was freaking out until everyone that had heard about the off ramp insident came running up to me all happy to see me. He took me into his office and started getting all pissy and thats when I woke up.

Wow I thought this entry would be a little bit longer than this but its so hard to remember dreams. Im surprised I got to keep this much. Maybe Ill think of more and add it later.

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Sunday, November 28th, 2004
8:04 pm - Magic in my head
This song got to me today. I really wanted to post a good entry but Im am oh so empty right now. Prolly just to exhausted to do or feel anything.
Sorry for almost breaking down in front of you. Its not fair to put you in that position. Its just that you are the first girl that I couldnt hide myself from well enough to stay composed. Dont think Im a freak please.

I never asked for nothin I don't demand of myself
Honesty, loyalty, friends and then wealth
Death before dishonor and I tell you what else
I tighten my belt 'fore I beg for help
Foolish pride is what held me together through the years
I wasn't felt which is why I ain't never played myself
I just play the hand I'm dealt, I can't say I've never knelt
before God and asked for better cards at times to no avail
But I never sat back feelin sorry for myself
If you don't give me heaven I'll raise hell
'Til it's heaven

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Thursday, November 25th, 2004
9:24 pm - Guess Whose Back
First of all hello to everyone I have lost contact with due to the move out of my folks pad. The move led to NO money which means NO internet connection. Im back for now.
So Turkey day was just another lonely reminder of how lame my family is. My dad is great, my mother is awesome, and my brother is well... Drew but together as a whole we form one of the worst families ever. My Dad has an excuse: he peaced out to Alaska, but my brother just wanted to work and my mom insisted on chillin at her pad on her day off. Incase you didnt know my mom lives out way past Viejas and the Stankin Lankin wont make it that far without alot huffin and puffin and eventualy passin out.
The resolve was to spend time with my adopted family: The Buddoffs. I love Nicks family so much. Kinda my model of what I wish my family could be.
Been going through alot lately. That black cloud I used to always bitch about found me at my new place and has deffinately decide to make this apartment home... I should charge the mother fucker rent for all the bull it causes. Like I have been accused of Ive been utilizing rather distasteful methods of escaping. Never really been able to deal with things without breaking down and moping all day and when there are bills to be payed I cant afford to not cope one way or another.
Some might say its a test but where I come from we call it torture. Ill make it through as I always do.
I bought this wireless G PCI card just so I could read your journal and maybe Im missing something but I dont know why you wanted me to read it. Im glad that you are enjoying yourself and I love you from the heart. As a friend or a companion: Ill love you however you let me.
Im wearing the shirt you bought me. The one that reads "Love Stinks". Not true. Seeing you still improves my mood a hundered full. I need you to know that.
And to everyone thats loving life: Fuck you for jacking my mojo. >:P Nothing but love.

There was alot more I wanted to say but short terms a bitch. PEACE!!

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Friday, September 3rd, 2004
11:42 pm - hmm diddly hmmm
this is tyler's girlfriend. he was dumb enough to leave his journal name logged in and while I have been slowly reading through his journal day by day, I think we all deserve an update on his life. Tyler is working full time now at Best Buy. He lives with Nick. that boy rules. right now tyler is contemplating whether or not to put stuff in his hair before we go to bed. he's using my hair dryer. that boy is beautiful. goddamnnnnn... ohyeah, and tyler is totally straightedge now. no more anything.


















just fucking kidding.

current mood: high

(3 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
2:29 pm - And to the republic... kiss my ass
AAAAAA HAAAAA.
Im back bithces.
"Dont Worry. About a thing. Cause every little thing is gonna be alright." - Marley, Bob.

So I figured that with this hip new positive attitude I can be whatever I want!!!
Heh. Yeah right. My mind set is far from possitive right now but Im content. Not happy. Just not afraid to see what tommorrow brings. Been missing some people. Doing alot looking back. Brodey taught me thats a bad idea but its fun. Well if anyone wants to check out the new pad hit me up on my cell. If you dont have the number and you wanna say whats up just email and Ill check it when I get the chance. Late.

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
8:54 pm - Last One
fallen2
Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

12:22 pm - As we go on
So this will probably be my last entry for a very long time. Within the next week Ill be moving out and internet will be one of the many things I wont be able to afford. I know there are free providers but how can I even think of a 56k *shudders*. All in all this journal has just been a place for me to bitch about all the things I didnt want to confront in my life. Maybe its a good things. Maybe this will force me to handle my shit in a more mature manor. Or maybe Ill just bottle everything up til I go crazy. Either way this is gonna be interesting. Dont really have shit else to say.... PEACE!

(Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Saturday, May 22nd, 2004
7:42 pm - Smile
My wardrobe is jeans and faded shirts
A mixture of what I like, and what I wear to work
I'm not mean and got a neck full of razor bumps
I'm not the classic profile of what the ladies want
You might think I'm depressed as can be
But when I look in the mirror I see sexy ass me
And if that's somethin that you cant respect then that's peace
My life's better without you actually
To everyone out there, who's a little different
I say damn a magazine, these are gods fingerprints
You can call me ugly but cant take nothing from me
I am what I am doctor you ain't gotta love me

I'ma be all right, you ain't gotta be my friend tonight (you ain't gotta love me)
An I'ma be okay, you would probably bore me anyway (you ain't gotta love me)

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Thursday, May 20th, 2004
12:31 pm - I hear them
Talking in the other room with library voices like I cant hear em. Cant figure out what they are saying exactly but to know they are talking quietly means its about me cause Im the only other person hear and they are never quiet. My folks know Im gonna fail. I know Im gonna fail. I used to be able to wait til the last minute and then work everything out. Cause this time I tried waiting and now I got just that many more things thrown on top of me. My pops is gone in 5 days and I cant move into any of the appartments Ive been checking out til the 1st. Bare minimum = 4 days homeless. Even once I get this pad my job is falling apart so I dont know if Ill be able to keep it. Then what?
I cant help but laugh when people tell me Im negative.

(Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
6:35 pm
I would tell you
That I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already
Gone away

Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more

Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just
Keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry

Well I get to see my dogs tomorrow. Yay! Something to look foward to...

current mood: disappointed

(Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Monday, May 17th, 2004
5:56 pm - Just to get high
This morning, I woke up
Feeling brand new and I jumped up
Feeling my highs, and my lows
In my soul, and my goals
Just to stop smokin, and stop drinkin
And I've been thinkin - I've got my reasons
Just to get (by), just to get (by)
Just to get (by), just to get (by)

(Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Saturday, May 15th, 2004
2:45 pm - Things were going so good
Not that everything just went down the shitter or anything. Just I only got about 10 days to find a place to live and its not going too well. Not only that but I need a new job. Last paycheck was a joke. Also pretty bitter that I wanted to go to the beach this morning but someone dropped the ball. Okay. Today went down the shitter.
Its hard for me to get moving too cause I keep going back to the memories I have here. Im sad that my family is splitting up but we never really got along anyways. Its wierd to me how I can convince myself that the past was so much better than the present is when its all really just a bunch of bullshit. I wasnt happy as a child. Wasnt happy as an adolescent. And here I am as an adult. While my situation has improved my disposition has maintained.
Maybe Im just to childish. Knowing life isnt fair still makes me pissed. Life so far has been a failure and I want to set things right. I keep telling myself even if I cant win some I can still make the best of it. I cant even get out what I need to vent on this entry. I dont even know what I want to fucking say anymore

(6 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Tuesday, May 4th, 2004
11:45 am - El Gringo esta aqui
"I gave myself a stretch up-and a mornin yawnin. Went to the bathroom to wash up. I threw some soap on my face and put my hands up on a cup and said um 'Mirror mirror, on, the wall Who is the top Dogg of them all?' There was a rubble dubble, five minutes it lasted The mirror said, 'You are you conceited bastard'"

Not in love but deffinately surrounded by it. My pops and I are prolly on our best terms ever. Hes retiring and selling the house and Im over the whole getting booted out thing. Time for me to get my own place anyways. Tired of having to wait til my Dad goes to work to invite your mom over. Heh, just playin. When I was a kid I was afraid of my Dad and now it makes me proud to say I will miss the hell outta him... and he knows it.
Got my gym membership. Im really excited about it. Im gonna go for the first time today after Bia, Twan, and I kick it at the beach. Speaking of which. Went to La Jolla with Dee and Femael last Sunday without putting on any of that sun protection shit and got burndededed. Thats alright though. I got this killer Aloe shit and todays Tuesday and Im back to normal without any peeling. Today is just another chapter in the Beach Bum diary.
Work... well there has to be a down to appreciate the high now doesnt there. To avoid making me full time and giving me a raise after 5 weeks of working nothing less that 38 hours a week (6 weeks of 36 hours or more and your job must hire you full time) this week they give me 25. You think thats bad? Well they hired 5 new people in my department so next week I got 15. Nick, time for you and I to expand the appartment hunt into a job hun as well. Fuck Best Buy. I used to think that they really cared about their employees. Guess not.
Oh YEAH!!! I quit smoking. Cigarettes anyways. I quit on Tuesday so that means... oh shit. A week today without cancer in my lungs. Just a shout out to anyone who is a smoker right now: Quit ASAP because the longer you wait the harder it gets. It still is a fucking struggle for me but I got friends that quit with me so its a little bit easier. Trying to think if there is anything else you all should know about.
Well I guess if its important I can add on later right.
Much love and everyone take it easy. One love.

(7 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Sunday, May 2nd, 2004
2:34 am - Baby Let's Get Married...
Syke! Uh oh. Is it still cool to say syke? Dont think so. Oh well.
So yeah. Things have been going.... I wouldnt say good or bad but I still see that light at the end. Been pondering my fate lately. Like as in Heaven or Hell. Ive dont alot of bad things but not for bad reasons. Isnt it the thought that truely counts. Fuck Dee better use that number.
So tomorrow Im buying myself a late B-Day present since no one else will. 3 year membership at 24 hour fitness. Not trying to get buff or anything. Just want to be comfortable wearing small shirts cause boy is this summer gonna be hot. Never hurts to feel attractive either.
Im too tired right now to think of anything funny to write so I leave you with my rarely occuring:
Quote of the Day/Early-Ass-Morning: "...and with your wrinkled pussy I cant be your loverrrrrrrr." - Snoopy D-oh-double-gizzle









Hector: "Sup Smokey?!"
Smokey: "FUCK YOU!"

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Sunday, April 25th, 2004
6:51 am - Here I am again
Up at 6 to go to a meeting at my work. Im sorry but getting up this early for retail is something I cant logistically justify in my mind. I need to go back to school so I can give this job the one finger it deserves. Ah man. I said the "S" word.
New Topic: Happy Earth Day to all you hippy stoner tree huggin types. Me, Ill be in Balboa listening to One Love if everything works out.
Well I found this really great song and normally Im always venting my negative feelings on this journal so how about something that just makes me feel goooooood.

Feel That Way

Up an early for the hope of a brand new day
See a homie you ain't seen since back in the day
Fresh haircut fitted wit a fat ass fade
End of work, we chilling on a Saturday
How you felt when you first heard the data came
Rakim KRS hey I had that tape
Cooling out with ol girl on a fat ass date
Find a hundred dollar bill wow man that's great
Get promoted at your job up to management
Plot a long time finally a plan has made it
Time I feel I wanna shout, man its real that way
Wanna think of things that make you feel that way

Christmas day when your mamma got your first bike
Type of feeling when you went and won your first fight
How your team felt winning championship games
Celebrate in a huddle dancing in this rain
Have a thought see a shooting star cross your screen
Put in hard work finally your living your dream
Deaf man get his hearing now in come vibes
Blind man get sight see his first sunrise
Dumb man speaking out, now he's load and clear
Earth through your chout smile so proud ya wear
Going in your third eye for the styles ya hear
Making music that'll bump for a thousand years
Eating right feeling conscience like health is first
Said a prayer that's sincere and you felt it work
Times I feel I wanna shout, man it's real that way
When I'm thinking things that make you feel that way

All up in her vibe something coming over me
Summer days more likely that you notice breezes
Winter days more likely that you notice heat
When I'm gone more likely that you notice me
In the dark it's more likely that you notice light
In the light more likely that you notice night
Hungry more appreciation for that meal
Dead broke more appreciation for that grill
A bad day'll make you really notice ones that's good
And that'll make things a little better understood
Times I feel I wanna shout, man it's real that way
When I think of things that make you feel that way
Make you feel that way...

(Ya know its like ahh like the most greatest feeling you could ever feel
you like just total illation. Sunny day, just that day.
You know its just like you know just the most joyous feeling
you could ever comprehend. You know, chilling with your family.
You know just you know just really really feeling,
feeling the moment, with the folks. Ya know really really really just chilling.
It's love. It's love. It's love)

(Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Monday, April 5th, 2004
3:57 pm - Dang...
Nice nice nice. Last night was the first good sleep I had in the past three weeks and damn did it feel good. I feel rested and... happy. I actually havent been mad or sad all day. God that feels excellent to say. You know those days where you feel like youve been working your ass off and then you get that break. Breath Easy. Ahhhhh.

So I talk to my Dad this morning and as far as money goes Ima be cool for awhile. Hes not offering to pay for everything he just gave me an option. Its like somebody finally threw a piece of paper with "Win" written on it in my drawing hat. I got a chance now.

Yesterday was just one of those terrible days at work. Customers, Managers, Coworkers... no one was in a good mood. Then I arrived at Brunswick and they were there for me. Oh, by the way, thank for kicking it last night Jason. I realized when my Mom wanted me to move out to Pine Valley with her that I couldnt cause I need to see my friends every day. Our group is just... Not perfect but perfectly balanced. Im closer with some than others. Its awesome cause when I need to kick it with someone one on one then I got all these people that I know will come through. Or if I just need to chill and blend in with the group then I never feel more at home. Its hard to explain. Let me put it this way: No matter what situation I might get thrown into I know when Im with my peeps Im the most comfortable and ready for wherever we may be or whatever might happen.

In short: I dont think there has ever been a group of friends that were meant to kick it together as much as all of us.

One Love.

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Thursday, April 1st, 2004
10:24 am - Thinking back...
I know there are alot of people Ive been meaning to kick it with. People from work. Old friends from school and that kinda ish. Just wanted to let yall know when I get my pad up and running (I should probably find one first) I intend on going through my phone book in my cell and inviting mad people to chill. Just gotta be able to handle the smell of green.

Random thought: If anyone knows anything about making colognes hit me up. Got the bomb idea.

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Sunday, March 28th, 2004
10:07 am - Fags with Blue Rags
I hate this uniform. Fucking Best Buy meetings look like an episode of the Smurfs. So yeah. They ruined this weekend and they have already fucked my next weekend as well. A meeting from 7 to 9 and then come back a 4 to work til 10... on a Saturday night. What kinda rotten employer makes people go to work a 7 on a Saturday? Thats just WRONG.
Why was I posting... Oh yeah cause Im bored and I know none of my friends are anything close to awake. Wow. Sleep just hit me... PEACE.

(4 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Friday, March 26th, 2004
10:25 am - Back in Black
Well. Not gonna bullshit anyone. Reason I havent been posting is alot of the stuff I wanna write about alot of people dont need to know and Im not comfortable posting. Aint that some shit. Not being able to post whatever you want on your own journal. Oh well.
My parents are in a huge rush to get out of this house and it makes me feel like they are in a huge rush to ditch me. It seems retarded being 20 and upset that Im gonna have to move out. I wasnt brought up with a solid family so I guess Im just holding on for dear life of whatevers left. This has been the source of a couple fights.
Basically what I need to do now is get a better paying job so I can move out by myself. It would help alot (like 300 less a month) if I could find a roomy but I not gonna try to make my friends move out with me when they still have a pad. Need to quit Best Buy and get a better paying job. Just really curious if I can find another job as tight as Best Buy. I made another 50 friends easily by working there for less that a year. Just shitty pay.
Im gonna peace while Im still in a aight mood. Much love all.

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Friday, March 12th, 2004
9:46 am - Yippee...
Today is one of the mornings I never wanted to wake up for. Was gonna vent but bottling it up is always better.

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Sunday, February 29th, 2004
12:20 pm - If you live on the west side of your town...
Been a minute since I updated. First of all Im working on getting this appartment in Lemon Grove. Things are looking aight on it Im just waiting on the final word. All things work out God Willing then I guess Ill actually have a shot at throwing my own party... Nice.
Anyone got a part time job thats hiring and starts out at anything higher than 8.50 let me know. Looking for a second job to help me get my feet planted with moving out and all. Oh. I might be without a computer too so if you are one of those people Im cool with and for some reason or another dont call feel free to hit me up if you want to know whats up since this journal will probably close soon.
Im scurred, but also so fucking excited to live on my own.

*Fingers Crossed*

(8 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Saturday, February 14th, 2004
10:29 am - Say it with me kids
Fuck Valentine's Day, and fuck you for loving me.

current mood: aggravated

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Wednesday, February 11th, 2004
5:12 pm - My my
Things are going really good right now and when I stop and think about it that really scares me. See my life is a roller coaster as Im sure most peoples are. Thing is with mine is that the climbs are congruent to the falls. It really fucks with my mind. While Im drowning further in my sorrows at the same time I know its just gonna bring that much higher up. Then when that climb begins to level off I know its only a matter of time for the drop.

So when Im depressed I become optimistic. Yet when Im happy I become pessemistic....

Yin and Yang anyone?

PS: Next time I get a couple of days off in a row Im getting my tongue pierced.

current mood: Scurred

(8 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Saturday, February 7th, 2004
1:40 pm - Oh last night.
Coulda been the last. I dont know why Im stupid enough to convince myself Im sober enough to drive. I know I shouldnt drive when Im not sober period. Oh well. I actually had no close calls or anything. Wasnt swerving or anything either so I guess Im supposed to be here at least a little longer.
Other than that last night was TIGHT!!! First time I went to a party with alot of white people and had fun. The fact that my people didnt roll even made it kinda tighter cause I was forced to meet new people and it worked out aight. Well MJ was with me. I was completely inebriated. I was surprised cause it was the first time Ive drank anything more than a 40 in like six months and whew-EEE did I forget about that feeling.
Got my freak on. Got alot cooler with some people from work that I really needed to kick it with. Not only that but I got to go with everyone to Denny's afterwards which was awesome. Still didnt find that girl Ive been searching for but boy is she in for something when I find her.
Just thought Id post something with a possitive message for once. Got a smile on my face for now. Cool? I think so.

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Thursday, February 5th, 2004
11:32 pm - Silly yet True
When-ever she happens to walk by - why does the apple of my eye
Overlook and disregard my feelings no matter how much I try?
Wait, no, I did not really pursue my little princess with persistance;
And I was so low-key that she was unaware of my existance
From a distance I desired, secretly admired her;
Wired her a letter to get her, and it went:
My dear, my dear, my dear, you do not know me but I know you very well
Now let me tell you about the feelings I have for you
When I try, or make some sort of attempt, I symp
Damn I wish I wasn’t such a wimp!
’cause then I would let you know that I love you so
And if I was your man then I would be true
The only lying I would do is in the bed with you
Then I signed sincerely the one who loves you dearly, ps love me tender
The letter came back three days later: return to sender
DAMN!!!

Not my situation to a T but it fits.

I guess my lack of opportunity now is replacing my many many opportunities passed.

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

9:05 am - Never Enough
Went and saw Butterfly Effect again last night. Im glad I had people there with me or I woulda been ballin like a baby. Truly a good movie but the message is real negative from my point of view. When Kaley screamed "Nothing Ever Gets BETTER!!!" it kinda hits home. No more seeing that movie for awhile. Too sad.
So I figured that the rest of my life is gonna be me trying to save money and whenever I get anywhere near my goal something really bad is going to happen and I start at square one again. Really tired of trying to juggle all this shit. Wow. Thinking about that movie changed my attitude real quick so its time for me to shut it and PEACE!!!

PS: I know Ive posted this song before but it sums the movie up pretty damn well.

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
12:18 pm - Joy Clouds
Gaaaaahhh. I love the rain and the damn sun just broke through my window. Mother puss bucket. Well I guess Ill have to settle for that oh so excellent scent of wet asphalt. I was gonna post. Prolly bitch about something. Instead I think Ill meet Twan at GC and kick it. Until later.

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Thursday, January 29th, 2004
9:23 am - *Sigh*
He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy
No, he won't have it , he knows his whole back city's ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke

(13 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
11:40 am - The urge to post.
Its hit me once again so here I am....
Thus continues the longest streak I have gone without a relationship since my first girl. Wow. Thats sucks. Oh well. Just works outs as more time to kick it with the hommies.
I dont know why but Ive been happy lately. Kinda funny cause not a day goes by that I dont question where Im at right now. Ill prolly be without a pad soon so I might have to move to Arizona or Alaska. Kinda random and drastic huh? Prolly the one person who loves San Diego and California like a family member but this mug is to expensive so I might have to be out. Problems: Ill be lonely in Alaska, and I hate Arizona to my core but Dee wants to move closer to his bro so that might make it aight.
Still trying to find a good reason to go back to school. Dont know what I want to major in and without that goal I cant force myself to stay awake through classes so until that discovery is made school is basically a waste of my time and money. Two things I dont have much of.
Round april I will start doing serious work on my car. Really just trying to make sure I never have to give up that car.
Without going to in depth right now thats pretty much all I got. Ill be back if it hits me that I forgot something.

Peace.

(1 comment | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Friday, January 16th, 2004
12:45 pm - ....
My Dad woke me up to tell me they are putting my only Grandpa in a home today. Im not ready for this death bullshit right now. My sister also set a date for her wedding but I cant be happy about that.

(2 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
3:47 pm - Dear Love
Im giving up. Tired of looking for you and Im tired of being disapointed. Maybe you will find me one day, if you exist.

(3 comments | Get Up In My Business, My Biznass)

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